How to set up video calls for a parent who isn't techy

The phone usually isn't the problem. In the US, 78% of adults aged 65 and over own a smartphone (Pew Research Center, 2025). The problem is the five small things between "your son is calling" and actually seeing his face: a ringtone they didn't hear, a green button that moved, text too small to read, a camera pointing at the ceiling, and a pop-up asking for permission they don't understand.

Fix those five things once, properly, and most parents manage fine.

Choose one app and stick with it

The best video app for your parent is the one they'll still remember how to use in three weeks. Pick one, and get every sibling and grandchild to use the same one.

• Start from what they already use. If the family group chat already lives in one app, video calls there will feel familiar.
• Match the devices. Some apps only work fully between phones of the same make. If you're on Android and they're on an iPhone, pick something that works on both.
• Prefer apps that ring like a phone call. A call that arrives as a full-screen ring with a big answer button is far easier than a link sent in a message.
• Don't switch. Each new app means new buttons, new sign-in, new confusion. Even if a cousin swears by something else, stay put.

Set it up in person if you can

A visit home is the best time to do this. If you can't be there, ask a sibling, grandchild or trusted neighbour to sit with them while you talk them through it on a voice call. Ask them to read out what's on the screen rather than describing it, which saves a lot of "the blue thing".

The setup, done once

Copy checklist

• Phone or tablet updated, and the Wi-Fi password saved
• The video app installed, signed in, and on the first home screen
• Notifications, camera and microphone allowed for the app, so no pop-ups during a call
• Ringtone and call volume turned up, and the phone not on silent
• You and other family saved as contacts with a photo, and as favourites in the app
• Text size increased (see below)
• Charger kept by the chair where they'll take calls
• Three practice calls each way: you call them, they call you

0 of 8 done

The practice calls matter most. People remember what they did with their own hands, not what they watched you do. Let them make every tap, even when it's slow.

Make the screen easier to read

Both iPhone and Android can make text much larger. These are the settings to look for (names can shift slightly between versions):

• iPhone or iPad: Settings → Accessibility → Display & Text Size → Larger Text. Apple notes that very large text can make some buttons hard to tap, so check the video app still works after you change it.
• Simpler iPhone: Assistive Access replaces the usual home screen with a few large buttons. In it, Phone and FaceTime are combined into one Calls app, and you choose which contacts appear as favourites. Set it up in Settings → Accessibility → Assistive Access. It's a big change, so try it on a visit, not over the phone.
• Android: open Settings and search for Font size and Display size. Display size changes the size of items on the screen, not just the text. Some manufacturers also add their own simplified mode; search Settings for "easy" or "simple", since names and availability vary by brand.

Then tidy the home screen. Move the video app to the bottom row or the first screen, and move apps they never use out of the way. Fewer icons means fewer wrong taps.

Tablet or phone?

Plenty of families use both: the tablet on a stand for the weekly call, the phone for everything else. If you add a tablet, put the same app on it and sign in to the same account, so nothing new has to be learned. A cheap stand helps either way; a phone propped against a sugar jar tends to slide.

Hearing and vision tips

On their side:

• Headphones or hearing aids. Wired headphones are simplest. Some hearing aids can connect to a phone over Bluetooth, which puts your voice straight into their ears; ask their audiologist whether theirs can and how to set it up.
• Captions. On Android, Live Caption can caption phone and video calls on Pixel and selected other Android phones (Settings → Accessibility → Live Caption), though Google says captions may be unavailable in some calling apps. FaceTime has Live Captions (Beta) on iPhone 11 and later, but Apple lists it as available in English (US and Canada) only, and says accuracy varies.
• Light in front, not behind. Sitting with their back to a window turns them into a silhouette. Facing the window works better.

On your side, which helps more than people expect:

• Face the light and sit close enough that your face fills the screen.
• Slow down a little and don't talk over each other. Video adds a small delay, so take turns.
• Keep your hands away from your mouth, which helps anyone who relies partly on lip-reading.
• Use a quiet room, and turn off the TV behind you.

Print a one-page guide

Write it in their words, not tech words, and print it big. Tape it inside a kitchen cupboard door or keep it by the chair. Adapt this one:

HOW TO VIDEO CALL THE FAMILY

TO ANSWER A CALL
1. When the phone rings and you see a face, press the GREEN button.
2. Hold the phone up so you can see yourself in the small box.

TO CALL US
1. Press the [app name] picture on the first screen.
2. Press [Calls / the phone symbol] at the bottom.
3. Press the photo of the person you want.
4. Press the CAMERA symbol (not the phone symbol) to see each other.

TO END THE CALL
Press the RED button.

IF YOU CAN'T SEE US:   press the camera symbol with the line through it.
IF WE CAN'T HEAR YOU:  press the microphone symbol with the line through it.
IF NOTHING WORKS:      switch the phone off and on, then try again.

WE WILL NEVER ask for money, bank details or a code by message.
If anyone does, even with our name or photo, call us on our usual number.

Usual call time: [day, time]
Help nearby: [neighbour's name and number]

Take a photo of the screen at each step and stick the pictures next to the words if your parent prefers pictures. For choosing that usual call time, and what to do on calls beyond catching up, see staying close to family when you live abroad.

Two rules that keep them safe from scams

Once your parent is reachable by video and messages, they're reachable by scammers too. Common tricks include a message from a "new number" claiming to be you with a lost phone, an urgent request for money, or a link to "join the call". The US Federal Trade Commission warns that scammers can even clone a family member's voice from a short clip, and advises calling the person back on a number you know is theirs.

Keep it to two rules your parent can remember under pressure:

1. We never ask for money, bank details or codes in a message or call. Anyone who does, even with our name and photo, gets checked by calling our usual number.
2. Only video call people saved in your phone. Don't tap video-call links from numbers you don't know, and never install an app because someone on a call told you to.

Some families add a code word for genuine emergencies. Agree it in person, and don't write it on the printed guide.

Key takeaways

Copy

• Choose one video app, ideally one your parent already uses, and get the whole family to stick to it.
• Do the setup in person if you can: larger text, the app on the first screen, permissions allowed, favourites saved, and three practice calls each way.
• A tablet on a stand is easier for faces and hands; a phone is better for hearing it ring. Many families use both with the same app.
• Leave a printed one-page guide in your parent's words, with what to press and who to call for help.
• Teach two scam rules: the family never asks for money or codes by message, and odd requests get checked by calling your usual number.