Homesick abroad? What research says actually helps

Homesickness rarely arrives when you expect it. The first fortnight is busy and new. Then, three weeks in, you can't find the biscuits you grew up with, the cashier says something you don't catch, and you're close to tears in aisle seven.

That's not you being dramatic. It's one of the most ordinary parts of moving, and it's better understood than most people realise.

What homesickness actually is

Researchers define homesickness as the distress or impairment caused by an actual or anticipated separation from home, with a hallmark of preoccupying thoughts of home and the people you're attached to. People who have it badly typically report low mood and anxiety, pull away from others, and struggle to concentrate on anything unrelated to home.

A systematic review of 55 studies found homesickness is a frequent part of relocating, linked to some adjustment difficulties and health problems. It also made a point that turns out to be practical: many studies lump missing home together with the stresses of the new place, and that blurs the picture.

The same researchers went on to describe homesickness as a "mini-grief": fundamentally about separation, and different from the stresses of a new place, though each can make the other worse. They argued that help shouldn't focus only on distraction and adjusting, but also on the missing-home part itself.

So it helps to ask which one you're facing today:

Most bad days are a mix. Naming the parts stops "I hate it here" from swallowing everything.

How does it usually unfold?

You've probably heard of the honeymoon, then the crash, then recovery. A large study of exchange students suggests that's not the typical path. Researchers surveyed about 2,500 exchange students in more than 50 countries before and during their stays. Those who met the study's eligibility criteria were sorted into five different patterns of stress, and most people saw only small changes from how they felt before leaving.

How stress changed during an exchange abroad (2,015 students)

Small, steady drop in stress47%

Small, steady rise in stress41%

Rose, peaked mid-stay, then fell5%

Large, steady drop in stress4%

Spiked on arrival, then eased3%

The authors concluded that for most people, moving to a new culture may not be the shock or euphoria that some expect. If your first months feel flat and a bit hard rather than dramatic, you're in the majority.

Does calling home help or make it worse?

This is the question most people care about, and the honest answer is that the research points both ways.

• Support from home was linked to higher stress. In the exchange-student study, students who turned to people in the new country for support reported lower stress, while those who turned to people back home reported higher stress. These links were strongest early in the stay.
• Contact with home brought support and loneliness together. In a survey of 126 expats and international students in the Netherlands, keeping in touch with home on social media was linked to more online social support, but also to more loneliness and homesickness. Online contact with people in the new country was linked to getting more involved in local life.

None of this shows that calling home causes homesickness. People who are struggling may simply call home more, and the Netherlands study was a single snapshot that can't show cause and effect. The fair reading: home contact is a comfort, not a cure. It works best alongside local support, not instead of it.

In practice:

• Schedule calls home rather than staying in the family chat all day. A fixed call gives you something to look forward to and leaves room for your new life.
• Avoid calling at your lowest point every time, like late at night when you're alone. Calls can end up feeling like a window onto everything you're missing.
• Tell home the real version occasionally, so they can actually support you, not just hear "all good".
• Count anyone local as support. A flatmate, a colleague, a classmate. It doesn't have to be a close friend yet.

Is it homesickness or depression?

They can overlap. Intense homesickness can worsen existing mood and anxiety problems, trigger new ones, and sometimes lead students to drop out. Depression tends to mean feeling persistently sad for weeks or months, rather than just a few days, along with things like hopelessness, constant tiredness or sleeping badly.

Some signs it's time to talk to someone:

• The low mood isn't lifting after several weeks, or it's getting worse.
• You're struggling to get out of bed, eat, work or study.
• You've stopped wanting to do things that would normally cheer you up, including talking to home.
• You're drinking more or using something else to get through the evenings.

Where to go depends on where you are. If you're a student, your university's counselling or wellbeing service is the obvious first stop, and the international student office can help with practical problems. Otherwise, a local doctor is the usual starting point, so register with one early, before you need to. This article is general information, not medical advice.

A plan for your first three months

Margaret Stroebe, the lead author of the review, names physical activity and distraction as things linked to coping better, while noting the research doesn't yet fully explain why some people cope well and others don't. Add the findings on local support, and a rough plan looks like this.

Weeks 1 and 2: make it liveable

• Make your room feel like yours: photos, a blanket from home, a familiar smell.
• Find the shop that sells food from home, and cook one dish you grew up with.
• Agree one or two fixed call times with family, at hours that suit both ends.
• Register with a doctor and find out where student or employee support lives.
• Protect the basics: sleep, proper meals, getting outside every day.

Weeks 3 to 6: build a local thread

• Join one thing that meets regularly with the same people: a sports club, a class, a choir, a faith community, volunteering.
• Say yes to invitations, even half-appealing ones. You're collecting chances, not perfect evenings.
• Find people from home too, if you like, without making them your whole circle.

Months 2 and 3: take stock

• Notice which side is heavier: missing home, or struggling here. Aim your effort at that side.
• Turn home rituals into local ones: cook a home dish for new friends, mark your festivals where you are.
• Decide about a visit home with a clear head, not on your worst night.
• If your mood hasn't lifted, or is sinking, talk to a professional.

By the end of your first month

Copy checklist

• I've registered with a doctor or know where the student or staff support service is
• I have one or two fixed call times with home
• I've joined one thing that meets regularly with the same people
• I've cooked or eaten something that tastes like home
• I'm sleeping, eating and getting outside most days
• I know who I'd talk to if my mood got worse

0 of 6 done

For the family side of the distance, see staying close to family when you live abroad. And the friends you've left behind need a different kind of upkeep: keeping a long-distance friendship alive.

Key takeaways

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• Homesickness is a normal mini-grief for people and places, and it's separate from the stress of adjusting to a new country, though each can worsen the other.
• In a large study of exchange students, most saw only small changes in stress rather than a honeymoon and a crash.
• Contact with home brings comfort, but support from people where you live was linked to lower stress, so build local support alongside home contact.
• Low mood that lasts weeks, gets worse or stops you functioning is worth taking to a doctor or your university's counselling service.
• In the first months, make your space liveable, fix call times with home, and join one thing that meets regularly with the same people.